My own voice


This is a concept that I have been reflecting upon for a few days now. I often ponder over why I was put onto this Earth. I guess this is also because I’m a strong believer in the idea that everyone has a purpose, but what exactly is mine?

If you have followed my blog over the past few months, you may have noticed that I’m an avid thinker. I think about everything and anything possible. Even the deepest parts of life.

I’ve recently begun to realise that maybe my purpose is my voice. I am not one to let someone silence my own voice. I speak up about equality a lot. Whether that’s gender or race. I also have a strong passion for speaking out regarding mental health illnesses, with reference to my own personal experiences on the topic.

Maybe I have been blessed with my voice FOR a bigger purpose. Important issues are something that needs to be addressed, and something in which I am not scared to speak out on.

Even the smallest things like living your life to the fullest, or about non-judgement is something that is worth speaking out upon. Realistically, my voice isn’t powerful enough to change the world on it’s own. But my voice along with many others has the potential to make a difference, even if it’s a small one.

So this is my voice. Live your life, and God, I can’t emphasise that enough. You’re alive, so let yourself live. We often take life for granted sometimes, even I do. Cherish those around you. DO NOT stop speaking out on things you are passionate about. I genuinely hope that in my lifetime, mental health services would have improved, just like I hope that we can finally achieve, somewhat, of worldwide equality.

I am determined. Even if my voice is spoken through my blog. At least it’s something. Sometimes we have to use our own qualities to make a positive impact in the world around us.

Love and happiness always,
xo, Becca

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A small life update


I feel a bit “put off” from writing about how I feel at the moment, however it seems like nowadays, “happiness” is genuinely the only emotion that I can describe myself as.
3 months ago, my blog was centred around heart break and pain. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, because it straight up was. It was a time in my life in which I felt things “coming together,” but it wasn’t totally there. I’d hurt more than I’d ever hurt before, and I don’t know why situations hit me so hard at that time. It was the kind of time where things where looking up for me, and then something else would happen that would break me even more. I was always going backwards, and because of that I became extremely lost. I used to sleep to simply pass time so I could make it through the day without breaking down. I used to have to plan my whole week to keep myself busy because I didn’t know how I’d cope otherwise. Situations made me extremely anxious and even when I look back to September, I don’t think I’ve ever been so ill or felt so low with my anxiety to the point where it physically scared me.
I kinda “chose” a positive attitude and to change my mindset. Obviously it’s not as easy as that, but I was so incredibly determined to see past this point in my life. I’d just gotten my semi colon tattoo at this point, and I honestly believe it came at exactly the right time. It was such an important, and helpful reminder to simply keep going.
I am now sat on my kitchen floor, pouring all these words out onto the notes on my phone. The dryer won’t stop beeping so I should probably sort that out. But I have the energy to. I have the energy to get up right now and just dance. I have the energy to go out in public with my friend today, vlog in public for my YouTube and just laugh. I have the COURAGE to be happy and to keep moving forward and it honestly makes me so emotional when I reflect on my progress.
As well as finding confidence in the body I breathe in, I have also found confidence in my own happiness. I’m entitled and allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to express progress and think, “you know what? I can’t believe I made it through these past months, but I did it.” I see happiness as more of a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight, but if you make yourself a priority, it’s definitely worth it in the end.
I now couldn’t care about external perceptions of me. I can go out in public and not be scared anymore, even though I still have the odd panic attack. The only words I can think of when I describe these past 4 ish months is a whirlwind. An adventure. A journey of happiness and empowerment.
If you’re not in the best place right now, remember that it’s okay. If we never had low times, how would we know what the good ones look like?
Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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This is me.


So I have a confession, yes a confession. Who I am is something which I reflect upon a lot and is something I’ve alluded to in a lot of my previous blog posts. Honestly, I seem to beat myself up for who I am all the time, and it’s not fair on myself. Rather, I should just learn to embrace my quirkiness and not give myself such a hard time constantly.

I’m the sort of person that is naturally annoying. I really dislike that about myself, and get so incredibly paranoid over ‘being annoying’ and ‘unwanted.’ I think it’s because I constantly got told it all the time at one particular stage in my life, and it’s just stuck with me. Regardless of what anyone else says, I still believe I am the most annoying person on this planet…. but hey ho we all move on.

I’m the sort of person who would stay up until 2am to check you were okay. The sort of person who puts their own self on the line for the benefit of others. I guess that can be a bad thing for my own mental health, but regardless I like to put others first.

I’m the sort of person who thinks too much about the world, and life in general. That’s mainly why I created my blog. I’m an avid thinker. I spend my life thinking, reflecting learning. I write about my thoughts as a way to express everything that’s going on rapidly in my brain. I think about my friends, who I’ve loved, who I’ve lost. The past, the present, the future. People’s perceptions of me, my perception of myself, everything you can think of.

I’m the sort of person who hurts immensely at the idea of loss. As someone who thrives off surrounding herself with people, it suddenly hits me when someone leaves my life. I honestly don’t take it well, and I’ll probably continue to think about particular losses of my life in years to come. I suddenly think that loss is a reflection of who I am, and what everyone dislikes in me.

I’m the sort of person who would write about you. Yes, I have a notebook full of about fifty irrelevant poems which shapes whatever is floating round in my head at the time. Love, loss, heartbreak, and back to love again. My ‘journal’ and poems are a collection of me. A collection of everything I can’t express verbally so I write it in the form of poetry. There are so many poems I wish that I could send to whoever they’re about, or publish in general, but I probably never will. Nevertheless, it’s how I heal and it works.

I’m the sort of person who gets so wrapped up in things, and if I’m passionate about something; oh gosh, I’m passionate. For example, music. I could sit and talk for hours about how each chord and backing instrument adds to the feel of a musical piece and how excited I get over it. I also get excited over the smallest things. Whether that’s looking up at the sky, someone complimenting me, or even nature. It may sound so ‘stupid,’ but it’s true.

I’m the sort of person who would just laugh for no reason. I constantly burst out into laughter for no apparent reason, and it scares everyone around me to be honest. They just don’t understand why it happens, and neither do I. I laugh a lot, and happiness is a fundamental part of my life. I hurt, I laugh. I dance, I laugh. I’m sat with my friends, and I laugh. Just live, feel alive, and laughter is the best reflection of that.

And last but not least, I’m me. I figure that this post was partly written to free myself. To write all these qualities about myself that makes me human, and tell myself that it’s totally okay. As someone who used to hate themselves and everything about them so much, I’ve grown to realise that hey, I’m me and that’s all that matters. I have my own unique space in this world, I’ll reach my ambitions and I’ll just be whoever I’m destined to be. Honestly, I just want to be loved for who I am. As deep as it sounds, I think everyone does. I’m quite a hard person to figure out. I’m quite stubborn, I’m quite independent, but I’m also quite sensitive and positive. I don’t blog about ‘preachy things’ because I want to be some sort of inspirational speaker. I do it because sometimes I need to remind myself of my own worth when I feel as though I have none.

I just want to be accepted for me.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Who I am now


“Hype That.” Over the past 4 months or so, I have undergone some major changes in my life which has helped shape and develop me as a person. It has been a whole collective of learning curves, and I haven’t finished learning yet.

I have been told by the people around me especially how much of a change they have seen in me since I have undergone this ‘change.’ Although my fundamental values of a person are the same, and I am still as happy and bubbly as I was 4 months ago; I feel like new life experiences have made me stronger and given me the experience I needed to become a better person and do better.

One thing I was always scared to do was push toxic people out of my life. I thought that if I did this, I would eventually be left with no one and end up having no friends at the end of the day. This could not be further from the truth. Cutting negative vibes out of my life is the best thing I ever did for myself. From cutting out friends who clearly aren’t “friends” anymore, to realising my own worth. I now know who I need surrounding me in my life- and like the title suggests… like it or lump it.

I won’t be the subject of someone’s constant abuse, or won’t be the subject of someone who constantly puts me down. I will not surround myself with someone that makes me feel any less of a person. I am a human, and I deserve to be treated and respected like one.

When it comes to my own confidence, I have hit a massive milestone and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. Although I have already given an insight into this in some of my previous blog posts, I went from being someone who physically hated their appearance (and beating themselves up for that), to someone who can step out of the house into public and say to myself, “You know what? I am quite confident in my appearance today.” 

When it comes to my mental health, I am getting better in some ways. I’m in the mindset now of I can conquer this. And I can, and I will. I am getting help, and I’m not ashamed of that anymore. I am happy, and I will confidently flaunt that. Every little thing I have overcome this year has made me stronger. From my generalized anxiety disorder getting worse, to putting myself back on track. From going through my first break-up, to bouncing back from that doing and being a better person. From getting rid of false friends because I know who is and isn’t good for me, my life and my health.

You either accept who I am now, or you don’t. It’s as simple as that. But who I am now is good for me, and has put me in a position in my life that I’m proud of. In a weird way, I am grateful for everything that life has thrown at me this past year. It’s part of my life journey, and it’s giving me the experience I need in order to develop in myself.

The moments that make me the proudest are those in which people who surround me tell me I look happier, tell me I’m doing well, or that I have changed for the better. It makes me realise that all my progress is worth it and although I don’t live to please others anymore, having their acknowledgement of my development is very humbling and something I can use as motivation to continue to do and be better.

This is not to say that the old me has gone. The old me is still here, and all the values I held 4 months ago are still the same. But, I’m more developed. I’m happier, and I’ve made changes to my lifestyle. The old fundemental parts of me are still around, I’m now just the “upgraded” version of who I was previously.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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My life philosophy

Who I am. What I’m about. Who I’m becoming. If you’ve been following my blog for the past 3 months, you may have heard me refer to my life philosophy. A philosophy that consists on me being a good, nice, genuine person and never wavering from that goal.

My life philosophy isn’t achievable automatically though. I have to make mistakes, do wrong, and work on those mistakes to help make myself a better person. I’ve done things over the past 4 months especially I wish I’d done it differently. But I’m not perfect, but who I am, and who I’m becoming is still the same.

I am also a big believer in forgiveness and being humble. It’s certainly not as easy said as done when someone hurts you immensely, or when someone tries to argue with you and I feel the need to be passive. I would rather live my life being passive and humble to the world around me, rather than anything else. I’m not a big believer in “drama,” and never have been. I understand some people enjoy drama and gossip, but it’s just not me. I would rather keep my distance and exist in my own happy lil bubble- as I call it anyway.

I feel like I’m a hard person to understand. I’m complicated. Sometimes me being different can be a good thing, and other times it can scare me. “What if people think I’m fake?” I’m constantly surrounded by “what if’s” when it comes to my life, and with the fear of people not understanding my life philosophy.

But when you simplify it, all I want to be and become is a good, nice, genuine person who puts others first. As idealistic as it may sound, that’s just who I am. That’s my personality and how I’m programmed and that’s who I’m proud of. As much as people may hate me for it, this is me. Everything you’re reading regarding my life philosophy is me. I’m Becca and I just so happen to thrive off caring for others immensely and from always trying to do the right thing for the benefit of those I love most around me.

My life philosophy helps keep me on track and is extremely important to me. When it comes to other people, their perceptions and how they view me is a fundamental part of shaping who I am. Although I shouldn’t be worried about how people see me, my life philosophy keeps me focused on who I am. I understand that not everyone will understand me, and I’m pretty sure there are people out there who hate my guts. But I know who I am, and that has especially got me through the past couple of weeks. After hearing about someone’s false perception of who I am I suddenly realised, “You know what? I know who I am and that’s all that maters.”

I don’t normally get mad at myself for trying to be good to people. I know and understand that some people are reluctant to forgive, and be kind to others even if they’re not kind back. However, that’s their fault. You can’t put your own genuine personality on the line for someone else who doesn’t appreciate you. Stay true to who you are and everything you’re about, someone (somewhere) accepts and loves that about you.

That’s my life philosophy. The idea that I will always strive to have the best intentions of others at heart, to forgive and not hold grudges, to see both sides of the argument, and be nice and kind to others always. That doesn’t make me naive because I have recently cut out people in my life who are and were toxic to me. But I don’t hate them, and I never could. I do forgive them, but I also know what’s best for me. Live life to the fullest, as much as we may say it- we do truly only live once. “Make this life the best it can be.” Stay humble, always.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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