Caring without caring…

You know that feeling when you reflect so deeply on people who have left your life? When you think, “did that really happen for a reason?” or, “was that really best for me?” I seem to be doing that a lot tonight, and I feel like I need to express my utter gratitude from what I’ve found.
Sometimes you don’t see the bigger picture at the time, I certainly didn’t. I just saw what I wanted, and what I THOUGHT was best for me; WHO I thought was best for me. But sometimes, that isn’t the case. Sometimes, those who decide to leave you in the most heartless of ways are those who are most beneficial to you as a person. Ironic right?

You see, I look back at all the tears I shed. And all the nights I stayed up crying, and hoping, and wishing. How I blamed everything on myself, and the only person to blame was the other person at the end of the spectrum. I beat myself up over something that I wasn’t deserved of. I took everything I had inside me, and I threw it back at myself. I ended up being toxic to my own self because of someone simply not caring about me like I thought they did.

Now I could go on and on about how hurt I may have been. Or how people aren’t who you think they are. But I’m not going to do that. I spent so long caring, so long looking over someone who just didn’t see it at all. Who still doesn’t see it. And although that’s still the case, my own personal self will not be put on the line for someone who ultimately won’t do the same back.

Because as much as you want to ‘save’ a person. As much as you want to make sure they’re okay, you have to think, “am I destroying myself by doing this?” And in my case, the answer was, and still is, yes.

Sometimes you’ve got to take a step back and let people live their lives for themselves. As much as you want to watch over them. As much as you deeply long to care. Because if they mess up, it’s okay. People mess up. Find comfort in knowing that you’ll be there for them when they’re ready for you love and care, and when you’re ready to give them that.

Bottom line: don’t put yourself on the line for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. Give that love to someone else, but don’t be heartless about it- nor naive. Find comfort in your own self to know what you want- and most importantly, what you need.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca