Progress: An update


I’m going to go out on a limb here and admit that I haven’t felt like I am ‘me’ lately. Now, you may be wondering what that means- and I’ve tried to work that out too. I occasionally get periods in which my mental health deviates, and I often become confused in who I am. It seems to be a question that I’ve asked myself a lot recently, and it that time, I seemed to have lost all meaning of the person who I am.

With that being said, I understand now that my high levels of anxiety come and go. I was confused as to why this happens; as to why my anxiety can be bearable for a few weeks, or even months, and then suddenly go really bad. According to my therapist (we’ll get onto that a bit later), this is totally normal, and it’s opened my eyes up to understanding my mental health more.

Since 2017 started, I’ve had a lot of those ‘unbearable’ moments in which I have become utterly baffled over what’s going on in my head. One minute I seemed to have everything sorted, and the next I can’t seem to calm myself down. However, I am writing this blog post from a perspective of ‘progress.’ The idea that I am sat here writing this now, and can safely say that I feel a lot better in who I am; and that I’m certainly not as confused.

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you may be aware that I have recently joined… and even started the gym. The gym is something in which I wished I had always had the motivation to do; but for so long the idea of going to the gym on my own, and the fear of judgement utterly petrified me. It’s taken a lot for me to motivate myself enough to even join the gym, but here I am and I did it.

I’ve just got home from doing my second session (we’ve all got to start somewhere, right?), and I’m so glad that I took the plunge and realised that this was what I needed. I’m doing this to develop myself. To gain back my confidence. To feel better in myself, and to use the gym as a way to stop me overthinking so much and concentrate my energy on something positive.

I know I have mentioned this in a couple of blog posts recently, but whilst we’re addressing the idea of ‘progress’ I want to reflect on the fact that I have started ‘cognitive behavioural therapy’ and it’s worked wonders for my anxiety. I feel like I understand what goes on in my head more, what triggers certain thoughts, and how to relax myself when I feel the whole world caving in on me. It’s such a calming feeling knowing that I am finally making progress in that area of my mind, and I hope I can come back in a few months and still see this experience as a positive for me and my health.

And above all, I have put one of my most fundamental New Year’s resolutions into action (I don’t normally make resolutions, but based on how last year went for me, this year was an exception for that). I am finally putting myself first, and refuse to let myself be taken down by anyone else’s negativity. This has always been something that I have desired to do, and I feel a lot happier clearing out negative people and energy in my life. It’s like a breath of fresh air, and no matter how much you don’t want to do it at the time, it’s better all round for your own sake. Do not put yourself on the line for someone who just wants to constantly bring you down and doesn’t contribute to your life anymore.

So yeah, that’s about it for this weeks little ‘life update.’ I feel like I have undergone a lot of changes in my life recently, and it’s been so hard to keep up. With my new job, starting the gym, making new friends, it’s been like a crazy rollercoaster of emotions and I (hope) everything is settling down a bit more now. But hey, I did it. I’m still here and I’m extremely excited for the future. Watch this space.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

I will prove myself


Wow Becca, that blog post title seemed extremely motivational.

Proving myself to others is something I seem to strive for a lot. I strive for the challenge of telling someone I can and I will do something and succeeding at that.

A few months back, I told someone that I was close to at the time that I would prove myself to them and if anything else, for the benefit of myself. I wasn’t in the best place mentally or emotionally (in fact, that’s probably a huge understatement), but I was still willing to make the changes to my life that I needed to ensure that I could get through this for them, and myself.

One of the personal goals that I set myself was to go to the doctors about my anxiety and seek help and support. Although I have alluded to this in some of my most recent blog posts, I did it. I sat there in the doctors on the verge of having a panic attack over having to talk to some stranger about what was going on in that lil head of mine. I then had a phone call with the mental health clinic and managed to get through a whole assessment of uncomfortable and rather upsetting questions regarding what was happening to me emotionally. The fact is though, I had my end goal in sight and I did it. Stage one of proving myself complete.

I also set a challenge to prove myself to myself. Feeling confident and liberated is such a hard feeling to succeed at. It takes a lot of time and patience with yourself, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. Over the past few months though, I have begun to accept myself, how I look, and who I am a lot more. I used to be extremely insecure even 4 months ago with my body shape, and how I look that it was sometimes challenging. I feel like I’ve hit such a huge milestone now though, and I’m always going to keep building on my confidence to make sure that it stays there as long as possible. Stage two of proving myself complete.

I also developed a bad habit of putting things off and not seeking the things that I wanted to do and just leaving it. I am now in the mindset of, “life is too short. Just go for it.” As preachy as an overused as that may sound, it’s true. Life really is too short. I personally would rather live it having done and achieved things that I’m proud of, rather than getting to the end of my life and wishing I had taken the chances given to me. Stage 3 of proving myself complete.

And most importantly, I wanted to prove to myself that I could be genuinely happy for a time period longer than a week, and I’ve done just that. I can’t sit there and say that I haven’t had a bad anxiety day, or say that I haven’t had days where I couldn’t physically get out of bed since I made this ‘pledge’ to myself; but I can say that I have been the happiest I’ve ever been and in that, I have found and developed myself. Onwards and upwards. I have and will prove myself.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Who I am now


“Hype That.” Over the past 4 months or so, I have undergone some major changes in my life which has helped shape and develop me as a person. It has been a whole collective of learning curves, and I haven’t finished learning yet.

I have been told by the people around me especially how much of a change they have seen in me since I have undergone this ‘change.’ Although my fundamental values of a person are the same, and I am still as happy and bubbly as I was 4 months ago; I feel like new life experiences have made me stronger and given me the experience I needed to become a better person and do better.

One thing I was always scared to do was push toxic people out of my life. I thought that if I did this, I would eventually be left with no one and end up having no friends at the end of the day. This could not be further from the truth. Cutting negative vibes out of my life is the best thing I ever did for myself. From cutting out friends who clearly aren’t “friends” anymore, to realising my own worth. I now know who I need surrounding me in my life- and like the title suggests… like it or lump it.

I won’t be the subject of someone’s constant abuse, or won’t be the subject of someone who constantly puts me down. I will not surround myself with someone that makes me feel any less of a person. I am a human, and I deserve to be treated and respected like one.

When it comes to my own confidence, I have hit a massive milestone and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. Although I have already given an insight into this in some of my previous blog posts, I went from being someone who physically hated their appearance (and beating themselves up for that), to someone who can step out of the house into public and say to myself, “You know what? I am quite confident in my appearance today.” 

When it comes to my mental health, I am getting better in some ways. I’m in the mindset now of I can conquer this. And I can, and I will. I am getting help, and I’m not ashamed of that anymore. I am happy, and I will confidently flaunt that. Every little thing I have overcome this year has made me stronger. From my generalized anxiety disorder getting worse, to putting myself back on track. From going through my first break-up, to bouncing back from that doing and being a better person. From getting rid of false friends because I know who is and isn’t good for me, my life and my health.

You either accept who I am now, or you don’t. It’s as simple as that. But who I am now is good for me, and has put me in a position in my life that I’m proud of. In a weird way, I am grateful for everything that life has thrown at me this past year. It’s part of my life journey, and it’s giving me the experience I need in order to develop in myself.

The moments that make me the proudest are those in which people who surround me tell me I look happier, tell me I’m doing well, or that I have changed for the better. It makes me realise that all my progress is worth it and although I don’t live to please others anymore, having their acknowledgement of my development is very humbling and something I can use as motivation to continue to do and be better.

This is not to say that the old me has gone. The old me is still here, and all the values I held 4 months ago are still the same. But, I’m more developed. I’m happier, and I’ve made changes to my lifestyle. The old fundemental parts of me are still around, I’m now just the “upgraded” version of who I was previously.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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