An overflow of words


Whatever comes to mind. When sat at my iMac trying to write endless posts about what goes on in my life and the world around me; I came up with this concept of an overflow of words- which is exactly what this blog post is going to be about.

The past week has been an important learning curve for me. Whilst I have beaten myself up and struggled to find who I am again, I have also learnt how to get my self confidence back. I am who I am, and as much as it upsets me when people hate me; I cannot help who I am fundamentally and I am extremely proud of the person I am turning into. Life is a learning process, and I am learning more and more every day.

When writing about my thoughts and feelings, I also like to pour my overflow of words into the concept of love. I am completely drawn in by the whole idea of love- and that mainly happens unintentionally. Love is this amazing, overpowering connection of human affection and it’s something we take for granted every day. I mainly use my past experiences to write little pieces of poetry, and although this is a piece which is far from perfect, it is something that jumps out at me when I talk about this very concept.

You made me the angriest, the saddest and yet the happiest. You were like the calm sea and the storm all at once.

Pretty cliche metaphor right? Well, have you ever loved someone who you feel is unlovable? If you take anything away from this post at all, I hope you love like it’s the only thing you know how to. Embrace your feelings. Remind people their loved- whether that’s your partner, friend, family member, even your pet goldfish, or anything in between. I regret putting my guard up when it comes to loving someone. I pretend I don’t love them so I don’t get hurt. Let it happen. It’s natural, it’s okay and it’s totally normal. 

And then we have an overflow of words about my life philosophy. How I live is pretty simple- love, be kind and compassionate, forgive, and try to look forward always. If I am going to live this life, I am going to make it the best it can be. A lot of people don’t understand me as a person, and that’s okay. I like being unique. I like the fact that I’m blind in one eye, or I have the dorkiest personality. I like how I thrive off meeting new people and making new friends. This is genuinely me. Everything you read about on this blog is me, my thoughts and my life. 

Maybe i’ll write this and include no punctuation

so the reader can just concentrate on the words

and that’s it

the meaning behind this piece of writing

the fact that mental health is still stigmitised

or we stll live in a world with patriarchy and inequality

quiet

the hush of someone so insecure in themselves due to the pressure

the pressure

of not being good enough

pretty enough

and just like there’s no punctuation used in

this

small

piece

of

writing

maybe this world can change

one

person

at

a

time.

beauty.

equality.

love.

kindness.

compassion.

They deserve grammar.

And the main reason behind my overflow of words? To free myself. To apologise for hurting you, or for wanting to go back in time but not being able to. For admitting that I can still be happy in myself, but also miss the past. This “you” I am referring to could be anyone. In fact, it could refer to everyone in my life right now. This is my escape, because the truth is, I will never stop caring about the people around me. I will never stop embracing the shiz out of who I am. I will never feel guilty about my emotions because that’s what makes me human. That’s what makes me feel alive.

Missing someone is a lot deeper than just missing the memories if you actually valued them. It’s about missing them as a person, and missing caring. Everything else that comes with it. 

My overflow of words is a way of freedom for my mind. Maybe I should open my mind more and listen.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Connect:

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The healing of words


Before blogging or writing down my thoughts, I never had a “therapy” if you like for handling hurt. I kinda just muddled my way through it and hoped for the best.

I’ve now realised that the key way in which I heal is words. Whether that’s writing my thoughts in a blog post, on a piece of paper, or poetry. It’s like my heart pours out onto paper and helps me relieve all the stress in my head.

After picking up Rupi Kaur’s “Milk and Honey” book (which you should totally read and check out), I came to the realisation that heartbreak is normal- and using words as a therapy for that is totally okay.

While I hate to admit I’ve hurt over the past few months, words have helped me express all that pain and anger into something beautiful. I never normally write poetry, but tonight I got so wrapped up in my thoughts and my feelings that I came across this amazing concept for some poems regarding time.
I’ve found that time is the greatest healer of all. I look back over the past 3 months, and find it baffling how I’ve got to this point from such a dark place to complete happiness. Time passes. And it heals us. Put your faith in it more often, it works wonders.

I’ve decided to share some of my poems that I created tonight with you all. After all, words say a lot, and I feel happier knowing my thoughts and feelings are somewhere greater than my mind- how broad and gigantic the Internet world can be. Enjoy the rollercoaster that is my healing heart.

9am

I became enchanted by you

4pm

I dated you

6pm

You became mine

2pm

I gave my all

– may fourth

12pm

You broke me

4pm

You asked for me again

6am

We talked and ended it all

And they say time heals.

I’m especially proud of this series of writing. Whilst thinking about the past, I realised just how quickly time can change. This poem especially helped because it puts things into perspective. It made me realise that all this happened, and I’m still here. Time heals.

You asked me to stay

Then left

And now

You have left

Longer than you stayed

– time

It’s funny how fast time passes when you’re “in the moment.” When you’re so wrapped up in life. I recently reflected on this, and realised that time can go just as quick when someone leaves. My own recovery, and my own happiness has led me to live the fullest life that I can at this moment in time. It’s all about time, and how you make use of it.

I cried

Until I became familiar

With the pain of loss

I still cry

But I’ve learnt

How to do it silently

– whisper

And finally, this reflects my current status of “hurt.” The pain of loss can take a human a while to come to terms with. Thankfully, I’m at that stage where I’ve come to terms with it, and I no longer hurt “publically.” But that doesn’t mean I still don’t occasionally sometimes hurt silently. It hits me somedays. Whether that’s 2am, or 2pm. And sometimes it won’t hit me at all. That’s the whisper of time.

All in all, I’ve realised that it’s okay to hurt and use writing as your therapy. It’s okay to create something utterly beautiful out of something so painful. Loss comes in all shapes and sizes.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-

Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne

Snapchat: itssbeccajayne

Bloglovin’: Click here to never miss a blog post from me!

Facebook: Positive Plxnt

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo