It’s okay not to be okay


We all have experienced points in our life when we’re “not okay.” But do we sometimes pressure ourselves too much sometimes to be okay and not accept that not being okay is totally normal?

As someone who has severe anxiety, both social and general, there are times when I get into really bad and scary states. I get angry at myself for having panic attacks, for nearly throwing up, or for hysterically crying on the floor about things that shouldn’t matter. I get the feeling that everyone is out to judge me and that me not being okay is me not being the person I aim to be which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Of course, I try my hardest to be an overall happy and positive person. If anyone knows me personally, you’ll know that that’s normally the case. In my mind, having ‘bad days’ is me letting myself down- and I’m my own biggest enemy. I judge myself and I pressure myself too much to be okay, without realising that it’s okay not to be okay.

This especially applies to my life and state of mind at the moment. After living my life for the past 2 months in complete happiness, I am slowly beginning to have anxiety attacks regularly again. I have waves of being okay and totally fine, to having panic attacks daily and I’ve noticed that this has been the case with my anxiety for a while.

In some ways, my state of mind is very contradictive at the moment. I’ve reached a stage where I’m confident in myself (especially in my body and appearance- it’s been a long time coming), and in who I want to become. At the same time however, I have been through some of the worst anxiety attacks I’ve ever had at the moment. I beat myself up over this- and blame myself. After all, it’s me who believes that everyone hates me, so how do I get back out of this vicious circle?

The solution? It’s okay not to be okay. It will pass. Let your body and mind have their ‘moments,’ and see past them. I’m a big believer in looking forward, not back, and that’s exactly where I’m heading right now. I have so many amazing things coming up in my life, with my blog; and life in general, and I have to go through the bad points to come out to the good. That’s why it’s okay not to be okay- not only because it’s human nature to not be okay sometimes, but also because not being okay helps make me stronger and more fearless to my anxious thoughts.

This is a message to all of you reading this right now: no one expects you to be happy all the time. You could be the happiest, bubbly, most positive person going and still have ‘off days.’ Trust me, it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. That’s what makes you most alive.

lil extra note: It would be very humbling to me if you could nominate me for a Cosmopolitan Influencers Award in the category Best Newcomer here. Here are also all the details you’ll need:

Thank you! xo

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Connect:

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Why is my tattoo so important to me?


“Project Semicolon exists to encourage, love, and inspire.”

I only turned 18 last week, and I’ve already plucked up the courage to go and get a tattoo of something which means a lot to me personally. If any of you have been following my blog, reading my posts, or even follow me on Twitter; you may be aware that I suffer from anxiety- a mental health illness that many others experience worldwide.

My tattoo is a small semicolon on my left wrist as you can see from the picture above. It’s a representation of hope, strength, bravery and awareness. It’s a constant reminder that my story is not ready to end, and that my sentence just requires me to pause and carry on.

For someone who constantly believes everyone is better off without me, that I’m a constant burden and that everyone hates me, this tattoo is also a reminder that it’s okay not to be okay. My story is going to have dilemmas, but in the end, everything will be okay.

Considering the fact that I couldn’t even speak on the phone to a stranger or order her own food three months ago, I am incredibly proud of myself for stepping out of my ‘comfort zone’ and getting a tattoo on my own. For many, this may seem like such a simple task, but for someone like me who has panic attacks in a lot of social situations, overcoming this fear of ‘people judging me’ was part of my tattoo journey and experience.

Above all, I want my tattoo to make a statement. A statement that shows that mental health issues should not be stigmatised. I am very vocal about my experience with anxiety, and that won’t ever change for the very reason that people need to be aware of these issues that millions face worldwide. I am not going mad. I am not psychotic. I am still as human as you reading this right now. I still love. I still care. I still have the ‘weirdest’ and most dorky personality. I can’t help feeling these things- and I can’t help the fact that my bad anxiety days make it even a struggle to get out of bed and complete simple tasks such as going to work.

My semi colon represents my story. A story of strength, hope and my own crazy journey. After everything my mind has decided to throw at me and destroy me with, I’m still here. And guess what? I’m doing pretty amazing. My anxiety will not ever win, no matter how much it tries. Fact. I’m stronger than that. Of course it will linger and I’ll have ‘bad’ days, but I’m still here- and I will be for a long time. As much of a miracle in itself that may be, I still have a lot more to offer this world and the people around me. My story is just getting started.

I hope people ask me all about my tattoo. All about the story and meaning behind it so I can share my experience for the benefit of others. It’s time we decreased the stigma that surrounds mental health one person at a time. My tattoo is not only personal to me, but a reflection of what many other people have to battle against daily. If you have any type of mental health illness, this is for you. Stay strong, stay bold, and stay fearless. You deserve to be loved and appreciated as much as anyone else in this world, and you don’t deserve to ever doubt that. You’re still here reading this, so make your story the best story it can be. Paint it all over the walls, dance on top of tables. Feel alive. You can do this.

“A semicolon is used when a sentence could have been ended, but it wasn’t. It’s a reminder to keep going, even in times of feeling like you want to stop. Don’t let your story end.”

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-

Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

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Bloglovin’: Click here to never miss a blog post from me!

Facebook: Positive Plxnt

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Why I chose to revamp my life

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Life is funny isn’t it? We spend our lives being our own individual self with our own personalities, likes and dislikes. A couple of months ago especially, was when I decided it was time to revamp my life and give myself a new perspective on life in general.

I decided that it was time for a change- and that includes a change in myself and my mindset. I’ve always been quite a sensitive person, but I’d like to think that over the past month or so; I have slowly formed a ‘thicker skin’ and not let things get to me as much as they used to. Of course, I still get hurt and upset about some things; but certainly not as much as I used to. I’m so glad that I’m at a point where I’m so confident in myself, that other perceptions of me simply don’t matter anymore.

I always used to look at people and be like, “How can I be as confident as you? Why can’t I have no insecurities and be like the ‘confident’ people?” In fact, I read this from one of my diary entries from January of this year when I was feeling low one night. I soon realised that the only person who can be in charge of my self confidence is me. Fast forward nearly 8 months and I have never been so confident and empowered in my own body. Considering I hated looking at myself in the mirror three months ago (sounds like a cliche, but trust me it was bad), I am at a point now where I’m happy to go swimming because my body is my own and I’m super proud of it.

When it comes to communicating with people in general, I love it. I thrive off meeting new people, and making new friends. I realised that I not only want to surround myself with people, but positive influences in my life. That meant separating myself from people who are simply toxic and who I don’t need around me. Trust me, having the strength to do that is the best decision I ever made. I now have the bestest friends I could ever wish for in my life (personal shoutout to Caitlin, Richard, Chloe, Myah, Alex, Callum, Jess, Georgia, Koryn and co; you all know who you are). I’m also constantly adding new amazing people into my life, and it’s so uplifting to have people who accept me, for me. 

When I say I couldn’t be happier with my life at the moment, I mean it. I am so overwhelmed with my progress and how much work I have mentally put in to be this happy and calm. And why I chose to revamp my life? Because I soon began to realise that my life is my own, and no one else’s. I am my own longest commitment at the end of the day; so why not make my life the best it can be? I want to be nothing but kind and compassionate to others. I want to forgive, but not be naive. I want to be proud of the person I’m becoming, and I want to keep doing better and being better.

So what’s next for me? The simple answer is, I don’t know. But I know that I will continue to be the best person I can be. I don’t care how cliche that sounds, but I have realised over the past few months that I can be whoever I want to be, and even though my personal goals may change again in another few months, where I am now is the best place I’ve ever been.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne

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Bloglovin’: Click here

Facebook: Positive Plxnt

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo

Mental health stigma, why does it still exist?


It’s 1am and I have become so utterly annoyed / angry and irritated by the lack of mental health resources there is, and by how much it’s stigmatised.

For me personally, it’s wrong and upsetting that there are still people out there who are scared to talk about their mental health issues because they’re scared of being judged, or scared about everyone labelling them as something they’re not.

After struggling with bad anxiety for a couple of years now, it took me a lot to come out and tell everyone around me what I was experiencing. I was physically scared about them jumping to conclusions and not believing how severe my mental state was, and to some point is.

When it comes to anxiety in general, my favourite ones to be told are “you’re being stupid,” “just stop thinking about it,” “you’ll stop worrying about it tomorrow.” Mate, I’ve been worrying about my friends hating me and not wanting me anymore for over a year now… I don’t think it’ll pass by tomorrow somehow. And as for just forgetting about it, well, that really speaks volumes. Have you ever thought in that small minded brain of yours that maybe, just maybe, I’ve tried that about a thousand times and it hasn’t worked? Thanks for the advice though.

There are still people nowadays that see people with mental illnesses as complete loonitics who are “psycho” and should be in a mental asylum. Thanks for that. Want to know the reality of it all? The fact that, believe it or not, we’re not all depressed all the time, and we do have things in our life that makes us so happy. Ironic to you maybe?

For the record, I apologise for the amount of sarcasm in this post, but you know, it has to be done.

Okay so it’s 2016. People are becoming more aware of mental illness issues. People are now covering it more on social media. People are now helping to decrease the stigma. But with that, comes some people who think having “anxiety” or “depression” is cute. You know them pictures that totally romanticise what it’s like having an anxiety attack? The one where a model is lying on a nicely made bed with mascara running down their cheeks? Like this one for example.


Gosh I wish my hair, face and nails looked that good mid anxiety attack.

The reality of it all is being keeled over the toilet because you physically feel like you’re going to throw up. Or being so drained you can’t move, and feeling so ill you can’t manage more than 1 meal a day. It’s me having to force myself to go to lesson in college even though I’d been having a panic attack 10 minutes beforehand.

Open your eyes. 1 in 4 people in the UK experience some sort of mental health encounter in their life. Think of how many millions of people that is? This is going on all around us DAILY, and we still fail to understand and educate ourselves on something so serious.

Mental illness isn’t a joke, or something for you to roll your eyes at when people try to raise the awareness- it just shows the ignorance that surrounds the topic. Or for you to not listen to what it’s like to suffer from a mental illness because “it doesn’t concern you.”

Your mind and body are so precious and it’s about time we realised that we should look after that first and foremost. We can’t ignore these issues any longer. The fact that it can take 6 months to get mental health help from the NHS for even children as young as 10 genuinely upsets me. And that’s coming from someone who thinks our NHS is a blessing and which I am thankful for. BUT more needs to be done, and we can be the ones to do just that.

If you don’t take anything else away from this post, I hope you at least recognise how important it is that we don’t stigmatise mental health issues and that we’re less judgemental of them. There’s nothing worse than crying out for help from your “friends” and being told you’re being completely stupid and you can’t just think of sad things. Can I bang my head against a wall yet? This is such a reoccurring theme.

If you suffer any type of mental illness, don’t be scared to find the help and seek it. It’s just sad that we have to “find” the help we need, rather than it being there and easily accessible. I’m sure if you had a broken leg you’d know where to go to get it fixed. A broken mind is a different story, however.

“Be the change you want to see” and I won’t stop being open about my mental illness experience until enough awareness is raised to decrease the stigma that surrounds it. ALL mental illnesses should be made aware of. That includes anxiety, depression, OCD, schizophrenia, post traumatic stress disorder, bipolar, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, only to name a few. ALL should be raised awareness to, not just a select few.

I’m not a psycho. I’m not going mad. Most of the time, I’m perfectly happy. But if I have a panic attack, that’s not my fault. I certainly don’t choose to have them. 

If you also need any help, there’s this amazing website called mind.org.uk. They have an A-Z of the reality of all mental illnesses and offer support for sufferers.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-

Connect:
Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Facebook: positiveplxnt

Instagram: itsbeccajayne
Snapchat: itssbeccajayne
Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo