A small life update

I feel a bit “put off” from writing about how I feel at the moment, however it seems like nowadays, “happiness” is genuinely the only emotion that I can describe myself as.
3 months ago, my blog was centred around heart break and pain. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, because it straight up was. It was a time in my life in which I felt things “coming together,” but it wasn’t totally there. I’d hurt more than I’d ever hurt before, and I don’t know why situations hit me so hard at that time. It was the kind of time where things where looking up for me, and then something else would happen that would break me even more. I was always going backwards, and because of that I became extremely lost. I used to sleep to simply pass time so I could make it through the day without breaking down. I used to have to plan my whole week to keep myself busy because I didn’t know how I’d cope otherwise. Situations made me extremely anxious and even when I look back to September, I don’t think I’ve ever been so ill or felt so low with my anxiety to the point where it physically scared me.
I kinda “chose” a positive attitude and to change my mindset. Obviously it’s not as easy as that, but I was so incredibly determined to see past this point in my life. I’d just gotten my semi colon tattoo at this point, and I honestly believe it came at exactly the right time. It was such an important, and helpful reminder to simply keep going.
I am now sat on my kitchen floor, pouring all these words out onto the notes on my phone. The dryer won’t stop beeping so I should probably sort that out. But I have the energy to. I have the energy to get up right now and just dance. I have the energy to go out in public with my friend today, vlog in public for my YouTube and just laugh. I have the COURAGE to be happy and to keep moving forward and it honestly makes me so emotional when I reflect on my progress.
As well as finding confidence in the body I breathe in, I have also found confidence in my own happiness. I’m entitled and allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to express progress and think, “you know what? I can’t believe I made it through these past months, but I did it.” I see happiness as more of a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight, but if you make yourself a priority, it’s definitely worth it in the end.
I now couldn’t care about external perceptions of me. I can go out in public and not be scared anymore, even though I still have the odd panic attack. The only words I can think of when I describe these past 4 ish months is a whirlwind. An adventure. A journey of happiness and empowerment.
If you’re not in the best place right now, remember that it’s okay. If we never had low times, how would we know what the good ones look like?
Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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An exploding, happy heart

I figured I would write this blog post now while I’m in this liberating mindset rather than wait until tomorrow even though it’s 1am and my eyes are shutting as I’m typing this.

However, I feel as though happiness is something that deserves to be expressed and shared. In a world full of such negative energy, sometimes it’s good to have that contrast and to talk about something other than all the negative and upsetting things this world has to offer at the moment.

Nevertheless, I wanted to write this post from a place of genuine happiness. From a place of someone who is finally coming into their own, and a place of reflection above anything else. If you have followed my blog for the past 3 months, you may have become aware of the fact that I’m an avid thinker. I spend my life thinking, overthinking, and analysing everything and anything.

Whilst thinking about everything tonight, I immediately became overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of pure happiness, something which is always my goal to achieve. If I’m going to be completely honest, I never would have thought 3 weeks ago that I would be sat here writing a post about happiness. If any of you read my blog posts from then, a few of them where quite muffled and not my usual style of writing. I was in a pretty bad state, and I think my blog posts at the time where a reflection of that unfortunately. I was in a bad place emotionally, and probably the worst I’ve been, ever. It became a task for me to leave the house, and it felt like the whole world was slowly suffocating me.

It was honestly difficult for me to pick myself back up and decide to keep working towards being genuinely happy again. When you’re in that draining mindset, it tends to keep sucking you in more and more. My moods tend to switch over periods of time, and that’s something which scares me about my anxiety. I can be strong for months, and then crumble in the space of a day.

But here I am. I’m still here, and I’m a lot calmer. After reflecting on everything, I decided to keep moving forward and to try to get myself back on track again.

You know that kind of happiness where you sit there and just smile, but also want to cry at the same time? That’s how overwhelmed I’m feeling at the moment. If any of you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you may have noticed that a lot of my pictures involve me smiling more; and I think that says it all. After trying to pretend to everyone around me these past couple of weeks that I’m totally fine, I have come back with genuine smiles and a genuine sense of me again.

It’s never too late to pick yourself up from a fall. It’s never too late to put yourself back on track and continue to get to where you want to go in life. I view these past couple of weeks as a ‘bump in the road’ sort of thing- something I managed to overcome, and something I’m sure I can, and will, overcome again next time.

Nothing seems to phase me at the moment. You could honestly say what you want about me, and I won’t sit there and worry about it for a good week and make myself ill. I think that just proves how much my mind has revamped itself in the past week, and I’m incredibly happy and relieved to be in a good, positive, healthy place again.

So here I am. My blog has, and always will be, a personal reflection of my life, my state of mind and everything in between. I plan to share everything here, because it’s my own personal space in the corner of the internet. Although this post was pretty personal, I feel so much better for getting it out there- even if 2 people read this post. Because the fact of the matter is that happiness deserves to be celebrated, and progress deserves to be recognised. This post won’t just act as a reminder for myself when I’m at a low point again, but also to anyone else who is in a similar frame of mind like how I was 2-3 weeks ago.

Treat this as a ‘bump in the road’ and never waver from the long term goal of happiness. Although it may not be achievable all the time, it certainly is achievable and not impossible.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

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Connect:

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I’m happy and confident being single

I have been meaning to write a post a bit like this for a while, about my whole view of being newly single, why I’m totally happy being single, and why being single has actually turned out to be extremely beneficial to me as a person.

Ever since I’ve been single, I feel like it’s helped me in finding myself and finding who I am. Obviously this can be done in relationships too, but the independent time to myself has been healing and probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me at this moment in time.

In fact, I have been told by some of the closest people in my life that I seem to have ‘blossomed’ in the past couple of months after becoming single. I seem to be a lot more confident, happy, empowered and liberated and that’s down to me deciding to take control of my life and do better.

I’m young, and I’m happy living my life at 18 and finding myself in the process. For someone who spends so much time putting others before her own health, it’s been extremely liberating for me to bounce back and be a developed product of the person I was 4 months ago. 

Overall, bring single has enabled me to concentrate on myself without having to think about another person whom I am in a relationship with. As much as I love being in relationships, being single equally has it’s benefits. I’ve had space to think, and to finally do everything that I’ve wanted to for so long.

This includes things I said that I would do whilst in my last relationship. I’m now taking control of my anxiety. I finally plucked up the courage to go to the doctors and seek help and am now waiting for my ‘cognitive behavioral therapy’ counselling sessions. I have been able to start travelling again which included going to Leeds for the #BloggersBlogAwards. I am going back to London in December and March and I am comfortable in myself in the first time in probably forever.

It’s given me time and space to think, reflect and regroup. As much as my friends are trying to be my ‘wing women’ and find me someone again… I personally don’t want it. I am the happiest in my own independent space and looking after myself and my health comes first and foremost. It’s helped me take a step back and think about things in depth. It’s completely slowed my hectic life down, and helped me control myself. It’s helped me become the person I’ve wanted to become for so long. Blossoming. 

I mean, Beyoncé wrote a whole song about being single and happy… so it can’t be that bad.

So hi, being single isn’t a bad thing, just like neither is being in a relationship. It is all about personal preference for the individual at that time. And for now? Honestly, my mingling days are back whilst looking after myself at the same time. I’m happy. I’m becoming healthier. I’m doing everything I promised I would do whilst I was in my last relationship- just doing it being single. And I am extremely liberated and empowered.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

————————-

Want 20% off your order at Coconut-Lane? Use the code ‘beccajayne20’ at the checkout to redeem…. go on! Why not treat yourself?

————————-
Connect:

Twitter: @beccaxjayne

Instagram: itsbeccajayne

Snapchat: itssbeccajayne

Bloglovin’: Click here to never miss a blog post from me!

Facebook: Itsbeccajayne

Feel free to drop me a tweet etc xo