Why I hate modern day dating

It’s been a while since I have done a ‘relationships’ themed blog post, but something has been stuck on my mind on repeat for a few weeks now which has to have it’s own escape.

It’s no secret that I suck when it comes to boys. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so stubborn that I would rather ‘keep myself to myself’ rather than let a boy even talk to me, or because I simply don’t believe anyone could be genuinely interested in me.

But you know, on them odd occasions where I do let someone in, the whole dating / texting thing annoys the shit out of me. All the games. How nothing is as simple as, “Hey, want to go for coffee sometime?” I like straight to the point. I like people who show interest because I always think the opposite.

Sure, the chase is fun. I like being able to chase someone, and have someone chase me. Dating is a game at the end of the day, but do I really want to play it? The fact that it is almost ‘forbidden’ to text someone back straight away because you’re seen as ‘too keen.’ Nah, I just happened to have my phone on me at the time. Just like if I don’t text you back after 3 hours, I was probably busy living my life.

Everything is so casual. It takes a lot for me to admit I like someone in that way (mainly because I’m too independent and stubborn for my own good), but when I do- it’s just another game. God forbid you text someone for weeks on end and you’re not allowed to have feelings. God forbid that you spend your time on texting someone, when at the end of it all, you’re the ‘crazy’ one for catching feelings- because it’s just harmless fun, right? It feels like dating is a mockery and it utterly angers me how people are shamed so much.

Look at break-ups for example. I seemed to have ‘forgotten’ that even though I got cheated on and hurt, I can’t actually show any emotion. I mean why do people hurt after break-ups anyway- just move on. Lol. That was clearly sarcastic, but you get my point. Let yourself fucking hurt, and then let yourself heal into a better person. And I am not ashamed that I have done just that. So fuck you to anyone who watched me hurt and rolled their eyes. Who cares? We’re all just emotionless robots, aren’t we? *rolls eyes.*

Well, it inspired this blog so there’s that.

And I guess that’s why I hate dating / talking / texting / anything relationship orientated. I . just . can’t . do . it . The pathetic games, the laughs when you get hurt. It all doesn’t seem worth it to loose myself in the process. Maybe I’m too stubborn. Maybe I’ll die single. But I’d rather be single then be caught up in constant games.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

A conclusion

So here it goes.

I don’t know what I want to title this post, or if it will even be published for the whole world to see on the internet. But for now, this is going to be a post that comes from one of the deepest parts of emotion. A post which is probably a conclusion to everything I have been writing since July. Probably one of the most emotional, and personal blog posts yet.

I never like to keep anything secret on my blog. This is a little corner for me to express everything I want to, without me needing to sugarcoat anything. Everything is real, and is a reflection of who I am and my life.

The truth is that I once loved someone who meant a great deal to me. Someone who meant more to me than I ever anticipated, and as cliche as it sounds, was probably my first love. I have recently found out something about that relationship that somehow seemed to make sense. I was lied to. Stuff went on behind my back. It was that sort of relationship that I look back on where I can’t seem to distinguish what was real and what was totally fake anymore.

I think you can all understand what I am alluding to in this post, and although for so long I thought it did happen, it’s real now that I have had assurance of my thoughts.

Do I hate my ex who lied to me for three months? Probably not. The thing with me is that I seem to see the good in everyone, and that can be annoying- especially at times like this. Am I hurting? Probably not anymore. Did I cry? No.

You see, this isn’t a blog post full of hatred and sadness at all. In fact, it’s simply a conclusion to my story which I have been writing about for 6 months now. Sometimes one person can love another more than they receive back. Sometimes it’s moments like this that make you realise, “Wait. I am stronger than this.” I am.

You’d think cheating would break a person, and in some ways it can do.But the truth is, you were always good enough- and always will be. Just because another human doesn’t see that, doesn’t mean you should degrade yourself. Blessings happen, and this was one of them. Someone will come along who is worthy of my love. Soon.

I’m not going to “expose” my ex, or even tell him I hate him. I don’t, and I think that says it all. He’s living his life, and I’m living mine. I have never been so happy in my life, and I think this situation is living proof of just how much of a better place I am in.

So there we have it. All my current thoughts written in one rambling blog post that just so happens to have a more positive outcome than it may first seem. Some people are simply in your life for life experience, and valuable experience at that.

Stay positive and know your worth. You are not a reflection of other people’s actions against you, nor should you put yourself down for simply being yourself. Don’t regret loving someone who didn’t deserve you in the first place, but also don’t be afraid to love someone again. Someone, somewhere, admires every single little thing about you and would do anything to cherish that. Whether that exists now, or in ten years. You’ve got this- you’re strong, and independent, and I have all faith in you. In fact, I have all faith in myself.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

note: this post was written purely for my own mental benefit. I don’t have any form of hatred towards any parties ever involved, and never could have. Live your life by staying humble and true to your own morals. x