When ‘no’ means ‘no.’

I have recently seen a lot of people address this topic, and with myself going on a rant about this on Twitter the other week, I thought it would be fitting to engage my anger further in a blog post…

We seem to use the excuse, “boys will be boys” a lot when we talk about groping or touching women without consent. After turning 18 and going out ‘clubbing’ more, this has been an issue in which I have experienced personally- and overall disgusts me. Not just for my own personal space, but for other women too.

Being groped or touched without consent is extremely intimidating, vile, and above all; a violation on my own body. We seem to teach women that we should be ‘flattered’ by such behaviour because ‘we should like the male attention.’ But what if I don’t want male attention? Especially uncalled for attention. Because the thing is, it’s not just me. It’s my friends. It’s every other woman in the same room as me. It’s every other woman who may feel intimidated by such behaviour.

It’s 2017, and some men can’t take no for an answer. Either that or they go off on one.. “I didn’t want you anyway, it was only a bit of fun.” Well guess what? I didn’t want your ugly ass either but you still tried to give it to me. I don’t care if you’re drunk, off your face or anything in between. It’s time we stopped normalising groping or touching without consent and putting it down to ‘boys just being boys.’ Because where’s the progress?

I should not have to pretend that I have a boyfriend for you to stop touching me like you respect your male peers more than an innocent woman. I should not have to tell you to f**k off away from me because you can’t take no for an answer. I shouldn’t be put into a position where I, or anyone else, feels intimidated because a man can’t take no for an answer and then get abuse because I knocked him back. Once again, forgot your ego was more important than my own body.

I know this was a post full of pure ranting, but after seeing people address a similar issue; I felt like I needed to vent my anger out there. It’s sad that in 2017, I have to write a post about some men not taking ‘no’ for an answer because they feel like they have the right to touch me without consent. Reality check, you don’t and I will put you in your place if you do.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

 

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Why I hate modern day dating

It’s been a while since I have done a ‘relationships’ themed blog post, but something has been stuck on my mind on repeat for a few weeks now which has to have it’s own escape.

It’s no secret that I suck when it comes to boys. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so stubborn that I would rather ‘keep myself to myself’ rather than let a boy even talk to me, or because I simply don’t believe anyone could be genuinely interested in me.

But you know, on them odd occasions where I do let someone in, the whole dating / texting thing annoys the shit out of me. All the games. How nothing is as simple as, “Hey, want to go for coffee sometime?” I like straight to the point. I like people who show interest because I always think the opposite.

Sure, the chase is fun. I like being able to chase someone, and have someone chase me. Dating is a game at the end of the day, but do I really want to play it? The fact that it is almost ‘forbidden’ to text someone back straight away because you’re seen as ‘too keen.’ Nah, I just happened to have my phone on me at the time. Just like if I don’t text you back after 3 hours, I was probably busy living my life.

Everything is so casual. It takes a lot for me to admit I like someone in that way (mainly because I’m too independent and stubborn for my own good), but when I do- it’s just another game. God forbid you text someone for weeks on end and you’re not allowed to have feelings. God forbid that you spend your time on texting someone, when at the end of it all, you’re the ‘crazy’ one for catching feelings- because it’s just harmless fun, right? It feels like dating is a mockery and it utterly angers me how people are shamed so much.

Look at break-ups for example. I seemed to have ‘forgotten’ that even though I got cheated on and hurt, I can’t actually show any emotion. I mean why do people hurt after break-ups anyway- just move on. Lol. That was clearly sarcastic, but you get my point. Let yourself fucking hurt, and then let yourself heal into a better person. And I am not ashamed that I have done just that. So fuck you to anyone who watched me hurt and rolled their eyes. Who cares? We’re all just emotionless robots, aren’t we? *rolls eyes.*

Well, it inspired this blog so there’s that.

And I guess that’s why I hate dating / talking / texting / anything relationship orientated. I . just . can’t . do . it . The pathetic games, the laughs when you get hurt. It all doesn’t seem worth it to loose myself in the process. Maybe I’m too stubborn. Maybe I’ll die single. But I’d rather be single then be caught up in constant games.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

Progress: An update

I’m going to go out on a limb here and admit that I haven’t felt like I am ‘me’ lately. Now, you may be wondering what that means- and I’ve tried to work that out too. I occasionally get periods in which my mental health deviates, and I often become confused in who I am. It seems to be a question that I’ve asked myself a lot recently, and it that time, I seemed to have lost all meaning of the person who I am.

With that being said, I understand now that my high levels of anxiety come and go. I was confused as to why this happens; as to why my anxiety can be bearable for a few weeks, or even months, and then suddenly go really bad. According to my therapist (we’ll get onto that a bit later), this is totally normal, and it’s opened my eyes up to understanding my mental health more.

Since 2017 started, I’ve had a lot of those ‘unbearable’ moments in which I have become utterly baffled over what’s going on in my head. One minute I seemed to have everything sorted, and the next I can’t seem to calm myself down. However, I am writing this blog post from a perspective of ‘progress.’ The idea that I am sat here writing this now, and can safely say that I feel a lot better in who I am; and that I’m certainly not as confused.

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you may be aware that I have recently joined… and even started the gym. The gym is something in which I wished I had always had the motivation to do; but for so long the idea of going to the gym on my own, and the fear of judgement utterly petrified me. It’s taken a lot for me to motivate myself enough to even join the gym, but here I am and I did it.

I’ve just got home from doing my second session (we’ve all got to start somewhere, right?), and I’m so glad that I took the plunge and realised that this was what I needed. I’m doing this to develop myself. To gain back my confidence. To feel better in myself, and to use the gym as a way to stop me overthinking so much and concentrate my energy on something positive.

I know I have mentioned this in a couple of blog posts recently, but whilst we’re addressing the idea of ‘progress’ I want to reflect on the fact that I have started ‘cognitive behavioural therapy’ and it’s worked wonders for my anxiety. I feel like I understand what goes on in my head more, what triggers certain thoughts, and how to relax myself when I feel the whole world caving in on me. It’s such a calming feeling knowing that I am finally making progress in that area of my mind, and I hope I can come back in a few months and still see this experience as a positive for me and my health.

And above all, I have put one of my most fundamental New Year’s resolutions into action (I don’t normally make resolutions, but based on how last year went for me, this year was an exception for that). I am finally putting myself first, and refuse to let myself be taken down by anyone else’s negativity. This has always been something that I have desired to do, and I feel a lot happier clearing out negative people and energy in my life. It’s like a breath of fresh air, and no matter how much you don’t want to do it at the time, it’s better all round for your own sake. Do not put yourself on the line for someone who just wants to constantly bring you down and doesn’t contribute to your life anymore.

So yeah, that’s about it for this weeks little ‘life update.’ I feel like I have undergone a lot of changes in my life recently, and it’s been so hard to keep up. With my new job, starting the gym, making new friends, it’s been like a crazy rollercoaster of emotions and I (hope) everything is settling down a bit more now. But hey, I did it. I’m still here and I’m extremely excited for the future. Watch this space.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

February round-up

I want to start doing these types of ’round-up’ posts on my blog at the end of every month, as I am a strong believer in reflecting on the positive, and negative in life. My therapist also suggested that I start to write down one positive thing I’ve done at the end of every day, so here’s to progress.

Honestly, February has been a bit of a blur to me. I feel as though it’s been one of those months that has just flown by before you realise it’s even properly begun. But for such a short month, I seemed to have accomplished more this month than I imagined I ever would.

For starters, I signed up to the gym which I am so excited about. That means that I can finally get to where I want to be regarding my body image with any luck, and just work on cherishing and looking after my body for once. At the end of the day, our bodies deserve to be loved sometimes as well as our minds, so I am super excited to be starting a new hobby which I hope will continue for a long time.

I also started my new job this month which is also such a big step for me. When it comes to applying to new jobs, I get extremely worried about factors which the job may involve before even starting the job. For example, what if I mess up the interview? What if I make no new friends? What if I end up being completely rubbish at my job? I tried my best to push those thoughts aside… and guess what? I got the job and have happily and successfully (I hope!) just done by second day.

However, there are also certain things that I need to work on next month. One being, cutting myself some slack. A while ago, I promised myself that I would not pressure myself to be a ‘perfect’ version of myself. This is also something in which I discussed with my therapist the other day, and it pleases me to say that for a while, I haven’t bothered about ‘needing’ to be ‘perfect.’ On the other hand, I seem to have done that a lot this month, and I need to remind myself that I’m not perfect. I will say and do things I regret, but that’s okay. My mistakes simply mean I’m human.

I hope you enjoyed this rambling / different sort of post. I want to continue to do one of these every month, so let me know what you think in the comment box below.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

New beginnings

I have recently said and done some things that I deeply regret. In all honesty, I’ve spent the last 24 hours beating myself up about those things. I’m the sort of person who completely hates drama, or arguments, or anything in between; but I always seem to find myself getting involved in them… head first… at 50 mph without meaning to.

So what am I going to do about it? What am I going to do to try to sort all this out in my own head and give myself some peace for once? I decided to tackle this by writing it all down here, in this blog post. Because the fact of the matter is that I will make mistakes. I will do things that I regret. I’ll sit there and think, “come on Becca, just stop.” I’ll just start again.

I am far from perfect. I don’t ever claim to be, and I don’t ever claim to have everything in check all the time. I don’t think I would be human if I did everything right. I have feelings, and sometimes feelings and emotion can get the better of me (as much as I try not to let it).

I want to leave the past in the past so incredibly much, yet something always seems to happen to bring it back to present day. It’s like something that I can’t seem to get rid of, and it worms it’s way back in. One thing after another. Constantly.

I vowed that 2017 would be a year of new beginnings. Motivation. Practice. Peace. And looking after myself first and foremost for once ! And in most ways, that has been the case. I am incredibly proud and humbled with everything that I have achieved this year already- and I am incredibly proud of being able to acknowledge what, and who, is good or bad for my health.

But like I said, I can’t be in check all the time. If someone claims to be perfect all the time and never admits to making mistakes, don’t believe them. It is a basic human trait. You have to make mistakes, to learn. You have to regret things, to vow never to do them again. You have to mess up sometimes so you can bounce back as a stronger and better you.

I feel like I am constantly screaming over who I am. I feel constantly misunderstood, or judged like people know the background reasoning behind my actions. Why I do things. Why I say things. When in all honesty, I don’t think even I have an explanation regarding some of my actions. If you think you know me, you most probably don’t; even I’m still trying to work that part out. But my mistakes do not make me a bad person. They do not undermine the fundamental factors about myself that I seem to want to embrace the most. They do not define me.

I am brave enough to sit here and admit to my mistakes. To look back at actions that I regret and realise why I messed up that one time. But here’s to new beginnings. Here’s to my new job, my new friends, starting the gym. Here’s to recovery and looking after my own mental health first and foremost. And you know what? Here’s to embracing who I am; despite all my mistakes. Because I’m human, and I’m proud of not claiming otherwise.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

‘A strong, independent woman.’

Okay so it’s nearly 12am and it’s been a while since I have plucked up a sudden ‘urge’ to write a blog post over something that makes my mind bounce and my heart flutter. When I get a sudden rush of writing inspiration, I normally get all weird inside and it’s like my thoughts run at 100 miles per hour so bare with me on this one.

Ladies, here’s a thought for you. A thought that people seem to mention all the time, but which has actually stuck with me tonight. Do not, EVER, let a man define your worth. Never. If a man is unable to cherish and appreciate you for who you are, then that’s his loss. Obviously, this applies to anyone in life, just like a man never letting a woman define his worth, but I’m talking about this in relation to something that’s been whirling round in my life.

I could’ve easily have let someone define my worth a long time ago. In fact, I touched on this in my ‘A conclusion’ post. But I am so incredibly glad that I didn’t make that mistake. And I am so incredibly glad that I am strong enough in myself to turn round and say, “You know what? That wasn’t what I needed.”

Because a person’s actions against you, does not define you. Have confidence in your own self to know what you deserve, and it should be nothing but the best.

You don’t find your worth in a man. You find your worth within yourself and then find a man who’s worthy of you. Remember that.

I feel like I’m going on a ‘women independence’ tangent right now, but I feel like this has to be reflected upon. I am so fortunate to have the mindset of independence and empowerment. To be strong enough to not let a man rule me, my life or my emotions. To know that being single can still be one of the best things. Because I don’t need anyone, and I never have. Wanting, and needing are two totally different things.

So, to whoever took me for granted, good effort. Thank you for making me feel more empowered, confident, independent and strong than I have ever felt in my life. Thank you for filling me with the courage to do better, and be better. And thank you for making me my own worth- which is certainly not shaped by your actions.

Stay fearless.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

Morphe 35O giveaway!

It’s that time again, and this time it’s going to be one of my biggest and most exciting giveaways yet. I have been totally blown away with all the nice comments and just everything to do with my blog / YouTube over the past few months, that I really wanted to give something back that I know you’ll love (and which happens to be my favourite eyeshadow palette, like ever).

I’m going to be giving away the Morphe 35O palette to one of you lovely people and here’s how to enter!

Enter via this form below:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

All entries must be done through Rafflecopter above. This will make it easier for me to congregate all the entries and to pick the winners randomly (all terms and conditions are listed on the giveaway form).

All entrants must subscribe to my YouTube channel here, follow me on Twitter (+ turn on my tweet notifications), and be following me on Instagram. The form will redirect you to all those sites if you aren’t already following me / subscribed etc.

Terms & Conditions:

Giveaway ends 20th February 2017 at 00:00am GMT. **Open residents of the UK only.** Winner will have 48 hours to respond to the giveaway- failure to respond will result in another winner. Winners are chosen completely at random. All entrants must follow all the rules described- not doing this may result in disqualification. The product offered for the giveaway is free of charge, no purchase necessary. My opinions are my own and were not influenced by any form of compensation. Facebook, Twitter and Google+ are in no way associated with this giveaway. By providing your information in this form, you are providing your information to me and me alone. I do not share or sell information and will use any information only for the purpose of contacting the winner. All entrants under 18 years of age must ask for parent / guardians permission.

Once again, thank you so much for always being so lovely and supportive. You’re all cool n rad n amazing and yeah u get me. (wow how informal did that sound, but seriously though). xx

Good luck!

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

Optimism

It’s a whole new year, and you have probably heard the phrase ‘new year, new me’ used countless times. Granted, I used to use that phrase myself, but over time I have realised, “really??” I think a new year holds new optimism and opportunities rather than a whole new, and different, person.

I have never felt so confident at the start of a year before. Normally, I assume that every year will be the same as the last. I’ll go to school. Maybe make new friendships. Maybe try at least one new thing. But this year seems different in a good kind of way. A lot has changed since this time last year- for one, I’ve finished education so I actually have more time to do things with my life.

This year holds so much optimism because there are so many amazing opportunities out there just waiting for me. Whether that’s in friendship, love, relationships, job prospects, or anything in between. I feel as though last year is helping my own growth into this year and the prospects really are endless.

It’s a new year. I feel as though people say this all the time (“blank slate” and all that), but it truly is. I feel like a fresh start is just what I need right now, a time to destress, get rid of all the toxic vibes, and just create new memories. Towards the end of last year I began to realise that life really is too short. Take every year as it comes, and just live for once and feel alive. Take life, and do what makes you happy because it’s the most amazing feeling.

I really hope I end this year with as much optimism as I have begun it with. Leave the past in the past, and create more positive moments. I think that is especially true of last year, and the idea of a new beginning completely excites me. Who knows where I’ll be 6 months from now. Who knows what I’ll even be writing about on here 6 months from now. Who knows how many amazing people I’ll be lucky enough to meet this year. I think it’s also the idea of ‘not knowing’ but being completely overwhelmed and excited with the idea of a new chapter in life. Here’s to 2017 and whatever weird and wonderful things may come with it.

Watch this space.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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Christmas Eve: What I’m thankful for

I was in two minds as to whether I should do a Christmas Eve themed blog post, but seen as today is my publishing day and normally the day I upload new content, I figured, “Why not?”

I have actually been wanting to write a post similar to this for quite a while, and came to the conclusion that doing it around the time of Christmas would probably be more fitting.

I am thankful for a lot of things. I often look at my life and think, “wow. I really have a lot to be grateful for.” And I do. I have the most amazing friends, family, and people in general that surround me.

You have probably read a lot of posts similar to this, especially at this time of the year, so I am going to keep this post short and sweet for today. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and I feel that being blessed with the people around me is one of them.

I am thankful for anyone who has ever put up with me as odd as that may sound. After going from having not one single friend at one point, I am so thankful for all my friends around me today. Friendships are extremely important to me because of that, and it’s still surreal how many people are truly there for me. Thank you. Each and every single one of you.

Now for the completely cliche part (I know, it was coming). I am so incredibly thankful for every single person who takes time out of their day to read my rambling blog posts on here. Whether you’ve only visited my blog today, or a returning visitor, I cannot emphasise enough how thankful and humbled I am for each and every one of you. I get that I am definitely far from the biggest blog around, and that is totally okay, but you all deserve to be reminded how thankful I am for you taking time out of your day to read my content. It’s crazy.

And of course, I am extremely thankful for my family. I don’t normally get soppy when it comes to family, but sometimes I realise how lucky I am. I don’t, and will never, take anything they have done for me for granted. Whether that’s close family, or extended, I truly am thankful to be surrounded by such amazing people.

So there we have it. A pretty soppy post, but hey, it’s Christmas. (Will we ever stop using that excuse for everything at this time of year? Probably not).

I will probably be writing a New Year themed post at the end of the week in the run up to 2017 so I will leave those good ol’ New Years resolutions / reflection for then.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas with those you love the most. Sometimes it’s hard to forget what we have when we get wrapped up in the Christmas spirit and presents, and all that jazz. Stay safe, and healthy.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

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UK Blog Awards- VOTING NOW OPEN!

HEY GUYS! Today is a pretty random and spontaneous kind of post.

I have been nominated for a UK Blog Award which is so surreal and amazing at the same time. i would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who took the time to nominate me, and who has ever supported my blog and this crazy journey of writing. It is extremely humbling, so thank you.

This means that I have made it to the next stage of the voting process, also known as the ‘public vote.’

You can vote for my blog by simply clicking this link. All you need to fill in is your name, e-mail, and click the category I’m nominated in (lifestyle)- and hit submit!

Also, a HUGE thank you to anyone who has voted for me so far. I am extremely grateful, and even though awards do not determine what my blog is about, I am still very thankful that people take to me, my writing, and my hard work.

Voting closes 19th December.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca