A build up of everything

Something kind of just popped in my brain. Like something in which I have been hiding away for so long suddenly made sense. As to why I feel things that I wish I didn’t feel. As to why certain emotions have led me to do things that is out of character. As to why I should sometimes listen to my emotions.

A few months ago, I thought that the solution to feeling hurt, upset and total emotion was to just bottle everything up and act like it simply wasn’t there. I actually didn’t give myself time to hurt, or recover from hurt, and it just caused my emotions to build up more and more. At the time, I never really realised this, but now I have realised that listening to myself and my own mind is healthiest.

The fact is, we all hurt sometimes. Shit happens. Things happen that cause us to be upset, cry, huddle into a bawl and not want to come out. But sometimes you’ve got to embrace that as odd as it sounds. I never enabled myself to feel that kind of pain because I simply didn’t want to. I kept bandaging it up and hoping for the best, and it’s caused this whole shebang. This whole blog post.

I know this blog post won’t make a lot of sense to some of you reading this right now, and that’s totally okay. I just wanted somewhere to put all my thoughts, feelings, and most importantly emotions without feeling like I was being watched or judged. Because the fact is, I’ve spent the past year of my life feeling like people are watching my every move. Like they’re ready to jump and pounce on me every mistake I make, and as much as that shouldn’t bother me (and for a long time didn’t), I’m human, and it does.

I want to make my own peace with my own self and my own mind. I want to stop acting out in anger and spite, because that simply is not me- or who I aspire to be. Wow that rhymes. Because the fact is, the things that bother us deep down may cause us to do stupid things, and all I can do is apologise; to myself especially. I wanted to make this year the year in which I stuck to my own mind. My own wishes, and lived life for myself. Here’s to listening to my emotions for once without bottling them up, and being the passive person I wan to be.

Stay true to who you are, even if you may waver at times. Those around you know the real you, no matter what mistakes you may make.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca