Relationships: An update


Okay, maybe I should’ve renamed the title ‘an update of my single life,’ but why not throw in a bit of imagination… right?

The fact is, yes I’m still single, and yes I’m still happy blogging about it. But I’ve recently been thinking about how I deal with being single, rather than how it feels.

I’m one of those’ singles who actually likes it. I like my alone time as it is, so being single is like second nature to me. No, that’s not sarcastic as much as it sounded. Rather, I find it rewarding. A way in which I can find out more about myself, before anyone else finds out those parts of me. A space for me to grow, before I have the opportunity to grow with someone else.

But how do I deal with being single? Honestly, not very well. I’m ‘that’ single (yes, I used that phrase again), that would rather act like they don’t care. Someone of the opposite sex showing any type of interest in me? I shut them off. Someone of the opposite sex tries to make effort with me? I shut them off even more. I don’t know if it’s because I’m stubborn, afraid of feelings, would rather be ‘sassy’ like I don’t care; or a mix of all three.

I don’t know if I’ve developed feelings for anyone anymore because I am so used to getting let down. I hate letting my walls down for someone, so I simply don’t do it anymore. I make life hard work, for myself and for the other person, that in the end it just simply isn’t worth it. I’m too stubborn for my own good sometimes, and really don’t take feelings or anything seriously anymore. That may have something to do with past experiences (*cough, cough*), but hey, my life motto at the moment seems to go something like, “Who knows?”

When the right person comes along, and puts up with my stubborn behaviour, then great. Maybe it’s meant to be. Maybe I’m playing a game that isn’t fair, or maybe I’m simply playing myself out of potential relationships. Who knows? I guess I’ll update you if anything interesting happens; but until then, here’s to being stubborn and being single. Maybe I’ll change one day for someone who deserves it.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

All about the corset trend


I think it’s safe to say that it’s been a good 5 years (exaggeration, but you get my vibe) since I last did my first, and only, fashion post. You can check it out here if you would like. However, I have been obsessing over a current fashion trend at the moment, and I just had to blog about it.

I have been lusting badly over corsets, and even more over how to style them. I recently went into New Look and found the p-e-r-f-e-c-t corset which is affordable, good quality, and a good size. What more can a girl want?

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For this look, I put my newly purchased corset over a simple jumper dress from Primark which only cost me £8. It’s extremely comfortable and a great addition to my spring wardrobe. The corset gives the look an extra ‘edge’ rather than just a plain jumper with tights- as well as making me feel extremely confident.


To complete the look, I added an (extremely) oversized denim jacket to give a grunge / hip sort of style. As it was a breezy day, this was perfect as I wasn’t too hot, or too cold. The thing with this time of year is that you can throw a denim jacket on over any outfit and you’re good to go.

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Have any of you tried out styling a ‘corset’ yet, and if so, what did you pair it with? I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

Corset: Isn’t available anymore on the New Look website, but may still be available in some stores.

Jumper: Primark

Denim jacket: Charity shop

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

When ‘no’ means ‘no.’


I have recently seen a lot of people address this topic, and with myself going on a rant about this on Twitter the other week, I thought it would be fitting to engage my anger further in a blog post…

We seem to use the excuse, “boys will be boys” a lot when we talk about groping or touching women without consent. After turning 18 and going out ‘clubbing’ more, this has been an issue in which I have experienced personally- and overall disgusts me. Not just for my own personal space, but for other women too.

Being groped or touched without consent is extremely intimidating, vile, and above all; a violation on my own body. We seem to teach women that we should be ‘flattered’ by such behaviour because ‘we should like the male attention.’ But what if I don’t want male attention? Especially uncalled for attention. Because the thing is, it’s not just me. It’s my friends. It’s every other woman in the same room as me. It’s every other woman who may feel intimidated by such behaviour.

It’s 2017, and some men can’t take no for an answer. Either that or they go off on one.. “I didn’t want you anyway, it was only a bit of fun.” Well guess what? I didn’t want your ugly ass either but you still tried to give it to me. I don’t care if you’re drunk, off your face or anything in between. It’s time we stopped normalising groping or touching without consent and putting it down to ‘boys just being boys.’ Because where’s the progress?

I should not have to pretend that I have a boyfriend for you to stop touching me like you respect your male peers more than an innocent woman. I should not have to tell you to f**k off away from me because you can’t take no for an answer. I shouldn’t be put into a position where I, or anyone else, feels intimidated because a man can’t take no for an answer and then get abuse because I knocked him back. Once again, forgot your ego was more important than my own body.

I know this was a post full of pure ranting, but after seeing people address a similar issue; I felt like I needed to vent my anger out there. It’s sad that in 2017, I have to write a post about some men not taking ‘no’ for an answer because they feel like they have the right to touch me without consent. Reality check, you don’t and I will put you in your place if you do.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

 

Is social media all it’s cracked up to be?


The wonderful world of social media. If you’re a fellow blogger, or just use social media for fun or to pass time, you will understand what I mean. Composing the right tweet. Getting the right Instagram theme (my theme is driving me crazy at the moment!) Promoting your public Snapchat and trying to be interesting as well as just being you (oh hi there, my Snapchat it’s itssbeccajayne by the way *wink, wink.*) But as amazing as social media is, why do I always find myself having to ‘take a break’ from it to calm my anxiety?

I guess me and social media have a love / hate relationship. I love being able to connect with my readers, and other bloggers in general. I love how handy it is when it comes to making plans with friends just by a click of a button, and it is actually one of my most loved hobbies. In the near future, I aspire to go to university to study ‘digital marketing,’ so I guess I’m going to have to have some passion for social media at least.

On the other hand, there are things in which I deeply hate about social media; ‘Facebook’ in particular. I am aware that a lot of other bloggers have touched on this subject, and I couldn’t agree more. Facebook, more than any other social media platform, suffocates me the most. The constant posts about relationships which actually presents toxic behaviour, or those ‘relatable’ posts which just make you question humanity in general. I can’t tell you how many times exactly I have deactivated my Facebook account and that scares me. The fact that I’ve had to delete my account to feel somewhat okay in myself again.

Don’t get me wrong, social media is great. Overall, it is my #1 source for my blog traffic, helps me connect with people worldwide, and helps pass time. Bored? Social media. Making breakfast? Check your social media. Wake up? Check your social media. But sometimes I wish it wasn’t like that. Sometimes my mental health needs those days where I wake up and don’t worry about the whole world being exposed to every tweet I send. Sometimes I don’t need to go on Facebook and feed myself negative thoughts. Sometimes I don’t need to go on Instagram and think ‘why do I look like that?’ or ‘My theme is awful and it’s stressing me out.’ Sometimes your mental health is aching for a break from it all; and if you ever get to that point, give yourself what your body wants.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the world of social media, that we neglect ourselves in the process. We fail to see what it is doing to our mental health and we keep self destructing ourselves. I often feel like it’s a dark, misty cloud over me in which I can’t get rid of and feel suffocated in. It doesn’t have to be that way. As amazing as the world of social media is, it often has it’s negatives and separation for a while is sometimes key.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

Why I hate modern day dating


It’s been a while since I have done a ‘relationships’ themed blog post, but something has been stuck on my mind on repeat for a few weeks now which has to have it’s own escape.

It’s no secret that I suck when it comes to boys. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so stubborn that I would rather ‘keep myself to myself’ rather than let a boy even talk to me, or because I simply don’t believe anyone could be genuinely interested in me.

But you know, on them odd occasions where I do let someone in, the whole dating / texting thing annoys the shit out of me. All the games. How nothing is as simple as, “Hey, want to go for coffee sometime?” I like straight to the point. I like people who show interest because I always think the opposite.

Sure, the chase is fun. I like being able to chase someone, and have someone chase me. Dating is a game at the end of the day, but do I really want to play it? The fact that it is almost ‘forbidden’ to text someone back straight away because you’re seen as ‘too keen.’ Nah, I just happened to have my phone on me at the time. Just like if I don’t text you back after 3 hours, I was probably busy living my life.

Everything is so casual. It takes a lot for me to admit I like someone in that way (mainly because I’m too independent and stubborn for my own good), but when I do- it’s just another game. God forbid you text someone for weeks on end and you’re not allowed to have feelings. God forbid that you spend your time on texting someone, when at the end of it all, you’re the ‘crazy’ one for catching feelings- because it’s just harmless fun, right? It feels like dating is a mockery and it utterly angers me how people are shamed so much.

Look at break-ups for example. I seemed to have ‘forgotten’ that even though I got cheated on and hurt, I can’t actually show any emotion. I mean why do people hurt after break-ups anyway- just move on. Lol. That was clearly sarcastic, but you get my point. Let yourself fucking hurt, and then let yourself heal into a better person. And I am not ashamed that I have done just that. So fuck you to anyone who watched me hurt and rolled their eyes. Who cares? We’re all just emotionless robots, aren’t we? *rolls eyes.*

Well, it inspired this blog so there’s that.

And I guess that’s why I hate dating / talking / texting / anything relationship orientated. I . just . can’t . do . it . The pathetic games, the laughs when you get hurt. It all doesn’t seem worth it to loose myself in the process. Maybe I’m too stubborn. Maybe I’ll die single. But I’d rather be single then be caught up in constant games.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

Am I ashamed?


I really should be sleeping instead of writing this blog post as I have work early tomorrow morning (oops), however I felt so inspired so decided to grab my laptop quick and write about something that has been bugging me for a while. I never knew how to express this ‘thing that’s been bugging me’ until now, and in some ways I still don’t. This post will have no structure whatsoever, but there’s some things that I desperately need to get off my chest for my own sake. So here it goes (warning: there may be a bit of rambling, but who doesn’t love a good ol’ rambled post, eh?)

A lot of things have changed drastically in my life over the past couple of months or so, and things still seem to be rapidly changing as we speak. From friends, to what I do in my free time, to handling my mental health, even to me as a person. I don’t take well to change, which I guess is why I feel so encouraged in myself to write this blog post.

You see, one thing I seem to ask myself a lot is if I’m ashamed in myself. If I deserve to beat myself up over certain things, if I made the right decisions. Obviously with having generalised anxiety, it makes the whole process of figuring this out a lot harder, but I finally came to a conclusion. I live my life for myself with the intention of also putting others first unless it is toxic to me. If something is making me feel sad, or uncomfortable, or just doesn’t feel right anymore; then I have to stop beating myself up over making decisions for myself. Sometimes it doesn’t make me selfish, rather stop me from self destroying.

And then I think about the person I am becoming, and the choices I’ve made. You see, the things is, I always try to make the best decision and put others first. But that realistically is not always going to happen. I’ve said this before, but I have to make myself make mistakes sometimes so I can learn from them; and most importantly, grow.

And that’s another thing I want to address in this post, I am 18 years old. I am by no means experienced in anything in life, nor do I claim to be. I suck at relationships, and break-ups and talking to boys in general; but that’s because I’m still yet to grow. I make immature decisions and look back on them and think, “Really Becca? So mature.” But I’m growing. – And I’m not using this whole ‘growth’ thing as some sort of excuse either. That’s the beauty about living, is watching yourself grow due to your past self.

At the end of the day, I am not going to be exactly the same now as the person I’ll be in 10 years. Nor am I  exactly the same as I was even a year ago. I am developing for the better every day, and I want to work hard to get to who I want to be. I want to make people proud, and make myself proud. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. I want to look back on this blog post in 10-30 years and think, “I did it.”

So, going back to the question at the start of this post. Am I ashamed? In myself? In who I am? In who I’m becoming? Not at all. Because to me, being ashamed is looking at myself in a negative light. I don’t want to move backwards, rather forwards. I want to make a positive impact on myself, and those around me. I want to always do better, and be better. And for the majority of the past year, I’ve done just that. But everything takes time, and sometimes we just need to be patient with ourselves.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca

Womanhood


I have recently had a feeling of empowerment and confidence, and felt like it has to be written down somewhere. Aka here. You see, I love being a woman. Sure, there are things that suck such as periods, and annoying boobs, and just woman-ly things in general. But honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a woman, and I came to the conclusion that it is unique for every individual. I love being a woman because it makes me feel empowered, and confident. I like the idea of being a ‘strong woman,’ and a fearless woman, and a woman with ambitions and dreams. I like being a woman who finds confidence within her own self, rather than relying on men all the time (although that’s okay too- like I said, personal to each individual).

I like the idea of being a woman, and being me. At the end of the day I know that I am not defined by my gender as each individual is different, but I love embracing womanhood. I love talking about girl power, and bringing up other women, and the whole concept which surrounds our whole gender.

I have recently become engrossed in ‘Kehlani’s’ new album recently, in which she highlights the concept of womanhood and love in her ‘Intro’ which is taken from a poet called,  Reyna Biddy. I have taken some of my most favourite lyrics from this piece, and put them below so you have a better understanding of what I’m talking about:

I’m afraid you’re under the impression
That I was made to please you
I was under the impression you understood me better
The truth is, I’m a superwoman
And some days I’m an angry woman
And some days I’m a crazy woman
For still waiting, for still loving harder even if I’m aching
For still trusting that I’m still worth the most
For still searching for someone to understand me better.

I find the lyrics so incredibly empowering and eye-opening, and it just brought me back to what makes me feel mot alive and like a woman. The idea of longing for love and understanding, yet not mixing that up with the ambition to please anyone.

Because the fact is, I am writing this post feeling extremely strong, liberated and free minded. I feel like as a woman, as me, I can conquer anything. I can achieve my goals. I can work on myself and be a better woman and person. I can be independent, and sexy, and strong minded. I can be me and feel comfortable in who I am.

Here’s to womanhood, confidence, liberation and us.

Love and happiness always,

xo, Becca